Don’t Try This At Home . . . For A Reason

“And the risks are what?”

Ok, so technically I’m not supposed to say that out loud.  I’m in sideshow.  I risk my safety, and sometimes my life,  for your entertainment.  But here I am about to learn a new stunt and we’re going over the details, and it just pops out of my mouth.  Oh, my new stunt?  It’s the Ladder of Blades.

I’m giddy 🙂

But first I have to build the thing, and my coaches have this very wax-on-wax-off philosophy about teaching.  It’s like this TV show I saw once where this kid wants to learn to ride a motorcycle but first his dad makes him take apart and rebuild the engine first.  So I’ll need wood, nails, and – oh yeah – 4 to 8 sharp blades.  Hehehehehe.  So, I’m writing down all the specs for the build and some notes on the stunt itself, and then he gets to the part about the hurting.

Course I knew this.  I mean come on, it’s a LADDER OF BLADES.  My feet are good and we can all thank my parents for the ballet lessons so my balance is fine, so I’m not too worried about slicing my feet open.  Sure sure, he says, but if I slip – and here it comes – I run the risk of taking a CHUNK out of my CALF.

Ok, let’s take a moment a give the public service announcement and say, Please for the love of all that is good -> Do Not Try This At Home.  Thank you.

Now back to you regularly scheduled blog.  Now normally I associate a chunk of missing calf with a shark attack.  Then again I eat fire, so this isn’t stopping me; I’m hand picking my blades this week.  But still it gives even the most hardened sideshow freak pause, and I’m thinking frankly it should.  Cause the day I stop worrying about the dangers I should probably hang up my top hat, for I shall be on a short time line to a mortal accident.  (Yeash.  Ok I’m starting to understand why my family looks at me funny now.  Ah well.)

So for now I’m thinking that I’m going to build one very sturdy ladder and get back into dance class, ’cause I am way too pretty to have asymetrical legs.